pardon me my good
filed under: jokes I never got as a child that makes me cry tears of laughter
If you see something like this, DO NOT CALL AN EXTERMINATOR!
Call a beekeeper, they can relocate the hive instead of killing them. Bees are dying at an alarming rate, please do not contribute to that! They are so important for our ecosystem!
yo fuck this i aint gonna call no beekeeper i’m moving before i’m dead
I’m going to call an exterminator so the exterminator can kill them. I’ll be able to sleep at night knowing that there are less bees in the world.
No bees = no food.
No food = no life.
Congratulations on destroying the world.
Because you seem to not understand that bees pollinate flowers and literally bees are the reason we have food.
Did you guys even watch bee movie
you really really must call a bee keeper!
My family’s house had it’s entire attic taken over by bees one year. They slowly started appearing in the house, and then they were everywhere. We called a bee keeper, and he removed what he said was the largest domestic honeycomb/bee nest he’d ever seen. I was so terrified I’d gone to stay with a friend. My folks called me to meet the bee keeper, and he led me on the most magical journey through the house. He explained the bees were harmless if you move calmly through them and don’t swat at or harass them. He was only stung once because he accidentally put his hand down and smooshed one. The bees landed on me, walked a bit, then buzzed away. All honey combs and bees were safely removed and relocated. Call a bee keeper, they are awesome!
Some beekeeper will even pay you for the bees
congrats to all of us for being the first generation to grow up online
I bet you there are scientists somewhere, watching us like:
oh my god, my heart stopped because I thought he spilled it on the laptop
^I think that says a lot
yesterday in the car my mom said “theres always the one gay twin out of a pair” and my twin brother and I shot a glance at one another because we’re both the gay twin
do i even have a sense of humour anymore or do i just laugh at badly worded sentences
son, ive got news for you
you better sit down for this
someone mentioned april fools today, and it reminded me that last year a couple of radio DJs got taken off the air and almost faced felony charges because they told their audience that the local water supply was contaminated with “Dihydrogen Monoxide” and alot of people panicked
Dihydrogen - (two hydrogen)
Monoxide - (one oxygen)
some guys almost got arrested for telling people there was water in their taps.
i can’t get in lifts with people because i have a sort of phobia of breathing in people’s breath
and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill)
I had to fucking reply “I prefer people when they’re not breathing”
people trust me with their children
i type with no punctuation because i want to write sentences so long that people will run out of breath reading it and suffocate
never forget where you come from.
For a minute I thought they were all looking into the Mirror of Erised and regretting all the decisions that led them to their empty shells of existence.
^ that’s what I thought too
my teacher sent a student home today because the student had had an anxiety attack earlier in the morning and she said “if you have a broken bone, you don’t just keep walking on it and damaging it more, you treat it. Your mental health is the same. Health then school.”
I wish real people actually thought like this
“England is just a small island. Its roads and houses are small. With few exceptions, it doesn’t make things that people in the rest of the world want to buy. And if it hadn’t been separated from the continent by water, it almost certainly would have been lost to Hitler’s ambitions.” — Mitt Romney
basically the rest of the world: